ok so my understanding of romantic feelings is that they just happen. you don’t choose it. it can be super inconvenient a lot of the time, as far as I gather. only 2/10 recommend

how I started to understand I was aro, was that I actively tried to fall in love but it just didn’t work. It was like out of all the people I knew, I had to choose someone to crush on, but that’s the keyword. choose.

Well, the way every single story I had ever read included romantic subplots, it would have to be good for something. Even if that something was just me realizing I can’t go and just pick out a crush. So at first I was like “ehhh something is wrong with my feelings this isn’t how it’s supposed to go” but after a while I. idk. after the Ace Discovery the Aro one sorta followed, it wasn’t really separate at first, it took me months to separate the ace and the aro even if they are very similar to me, but anyway I accepted my feelings as valid after that. so. yeah.

because tbh if I was able of crushing I would probably crush on so many people at once but my brain just isn’t wired that way, and it’s ok.

And on one hand, I do make it seem like I’m super against romance and romantic stuff because I need to make sure everyone knows I’m Very Aro, and yeeahhh I’m kind of alienated by romance. a lot. But I am not actually averse to dating?? Like, nobody has ever asked me out (like except now when I asked people to ask me sorta), I might have said yes if it was a cool person that didn’t expect any romo feelings back or stuff like that, but either because I’m weird and/or give out such strong Aro/Ace vibes that people don’t actually see me as a love interest?? Which wouldn’t surprise me and it doesn’t even bother me, really. But on the other hand I do want to find out what things I’m comfortable with and I do want to hang out with people and I do sorta crave relationships but weird relationships. Because I’m a little lonely but weird lonely.

tl;dr I don’t know what I want, because I’m incapable of wanting things the way everyone else wants them, but I want someone to help me find out, but in a respecting-my-boundaries kinda way.

(Also things that seem not awkward in my head are super awkward outside it and what is up with that. I can’t function on awkwardness I need epic adventures like in books??)

I actually did go on a platonic date with a cute person today. you know, for science

"what do people even do on dates"
"I… don’t know?? what DO people do on dates"

"How about. um. milkshakes!! you know that cafe that has really good milkshakes??"
"Yes let’s go!"
*cafe no longer existing*
"WHAT. THIS IS AN UTTER BETRAYAL"

*finds a coupon for 2-for-1 cinema tickets on the ground*
"wanna… watch a movie?"

"ok so my bus comes in two minutes"
"ok"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"wanna do something awkward like. idk. hold hands or something"
"…"
"…"
"so that’s what this is like"
"yeah. wow. this is truly a scientific discovery"

all in all it was super lovely!!! even if a little awkward but awkward in a good way because I can’t do anything without being awkward anyway so yeah. this was good. note to self, have a plan for future dates. can’t rely on finding coupons on the ground every time

zholtaniusar

zholtaniusar:

zeeruffleraptor:

zholtaniusar:

zeeruffleraptor:

zholtaniusar replied to your post “zholtaniusar replied to your post “sumrallmind replied to your post…”

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be condescending. But no, not everyone knows this. But then again there are people who genuinly believe aliens created the pyramids. It’s just common sense…

ALSO, because I want to address it.
Thank you for calling me senpai, on my bf. Though I still don’t understand whyyy?? And thanks for not being bitter, I often sound angrier/more sarcastic and awful than I actually intended.

I meant as in literal senpais??? As in overclasspeople??? Since you were like. two classes over me. The Guardian Angel class. Or uh well at least to me because people from that class were always super helpful and nice to me and made me wanna continue from 10th grade

Ah! Well, the use of a word from a language I don’t speak kind of threw me off there. :P

well you’re also senpais in the memetic use of the words as in sorta authority people I look up to??
also hey I met your boyfriend on the bus just now WHAT ARE THE CHANCES.

zholtaniusar

zholtaniusar:

zeeruffleraptor:

zholtaniusar replied to your post “zholtaniusar replied to your post “sumrallmind replied to your post…”

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be condescending. But no, not everyone knows this. But then again there are people who genuinly believe aliens created the pyramids. It’s just common sense…

ALSO, because I want to address it.
Thank you for calling me senpai, on my bf. Though I still don’t understand whyyy?? And thanks for not being bitter, I often sound angrier/more sarcastic and awful than I actually intended.

I meant as in literal senpais??? As in overclasspeople??? Since you were like. two classes over me. The Guardian Angel class. Or uh well at least to me because people from that class were always super helpful and nice to me and made me wanna continue from 10th grade

hey does anyone wanna hear about that one time I was in the same room as the TV??? probably not.

This episode was an absolute betrayal because first time I saw it I got almost euphoric, I was filled with a weird electric energy because ohmygodsohmygodsohmygods asexual characters, and then at the end everything inside me crashed and burned and hurt and I angrily texted my friend about it for hours. This time I just took it out on my facebook page so go me

zholtaniusar replied to your post “zholtaniusar replied to your post “sumrallmind replied to your post…”

I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be condescending. But no, not everyone knows this. But then again there are people who genuinly believe aliens created the pyramids. It’s just common sense really, to not believe everything portrayed on TV.

Apology accepted. You know, I’m super happy for you and your boyfriend, you were my senpais at Weirdo School, and it’s always lovely to bump into you at viking markets and torucon or whatever, so it’s not you I’m bitter at at all.

But you have to understand. It’s not about common sense. It’s not bout believing everything that’s portrayed on tv. It’s about letting media affect you. If you say media has never, ever affected you, then I’m sorry but that’s just not true. I can’t even begin to explain how heteronormative/amatonormative the entire structure of our society is, and how much of it is perpetuated through media, and how much it affects even those of us who know that’s not how it is. Because I’ve been shaped by media all my life, and I’ve seen how it has shaped everyone around me, and it continues to hurt me even after I’ve become conscious of it. So yeah, there are a lot of ‘rules’ when it comes to dating. I don’t even know what they are, but too many people around me are following this weird script, even when it hurts them to do so. It’s all the…. idk. be jealous. strictly follow gender roles. do this, do that. Of course a lot of people are breaking free from that! And it makes me happy!! But the script is still super ingrained and to say it’s not is, sadly, just wrong. It takes a lot of unlearning and a lot of people don’t even bother trying and I just. guh